Humour

  • I am a boss in my house and I have my wife’s permission to say so.

  • A successful husband is the one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful wife is the one who can find such a husband.

  • Women become genius after attaining the age of thirty -five but they never accept the fact.

  • Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.

  • Women have many faults, Men only have 2 - Everything they say And everything they do.

  • RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.

    A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once.

  • MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.

    Most 17-year-old males are still busy discussing the best shot of Sachin Tendulkar after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

  • HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

  • BATHROOMS: A man has at most seven items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, shampoo, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

  • GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a lemon, and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the closet of his wife. Of course , this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

  • GOING OUT: When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out. When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

  • SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Raymonds wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Westside Mall. When she arrives at work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.

  • CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but for them, women are cats.

  • MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface - mirrors, mobiles, spoons, store windows, toasters…

  • MOVIES: For women, their favorite movie scene is Anarkali’s dialogue in Mugal-e-Azam. (Jil – e – ilahi) For men, it's Dharmender’s dialogue in Sholay – “Basanti, in kutton ke samne mat nachna”

  • JEWELRY: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like Bappi Lahiri.

  • MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap, leather driving gloves and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.

  • TELEPHONE: Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for another three hours, while sending messages to everyone.

  • DIRECTIONS: If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. A man will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there," and "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that Mother dairy store."

  • ADMITTING MISTAKES: Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Wajid Ali Shah, Nawab of Oudh

  • SALMAN KHAN: Women like Salman Khan because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Salman Khan because he reminds them of that slick guy who works out at the health club and dates only married women.

  • DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings and functions where he will meet women other than his wife.

  • CAMERAS: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out Rs. 100,000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase point & shoot cameras and often produce better-looking shots.

  • LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out and take his mountain of clothes to the drycleaner, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

  • TOYS: Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: miniature TVs, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six "AA-Size" batteries to operate.

  • PLANTS: A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man will water the plants. The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

  • NICKNAMES: With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of nicknames. If Priyanshi, Soumya, Tushi and Jaya get together for lunch, they will call each other Priyanshi, Soumya, Tushi and Jaya . But if Govinda, and Hrithik Roshan, go out for a lunch, they will affectionately refer to each other as Chi Chi and Duggu.

Get the Book

Join over 1,50,000 readers and get copy of the book.